Has your meditation session ever sounded like this? What if I am not doing this right? What does she mean, “breathe into your heart”? This is the longest 20 minutes I have ever experienced! What does namaste mean? Why are we chanting OM? I really need to scratch my nose. Is that allowed?
Meditation anxiety is the reason some people visit a meditation group once and never return. They want to do it “right.” They believe they failed. Their mind didn’t stop. There was no numinous experience. Being still and quiet was tiring and they briefly feel asleep. Few of us would expect to produce amazing biceps with a single trip to the gym. No one would expect to successfully run a marathon with no practice runs. Yet when it comes to our minds, we expect instant results.
Mediation is a practice. Wikipedia says that a practice is the act of rehearsing a behavior over and over, or engaging in an activity again and again, for the purpose of improving or mastering it. This calls to my mind a sign I saw that said, “Practice does not make Perfect, Perfect Practice makes Perfect.” And therein lies the rub – we want to practice perfectly. We choose worry over curiosity. We choose self-criticism over evaluation. We don’t support our own actions in the same way we would support the actions of our best friend.
Give yourself a break. Exercise your meditation muscles often. Delight in your improvement. Celebrate your progress.